Peaceful Enjoyment

I was talking about the subject of this (at the time, my next) blog at the dinner table. My beautiful daughter threw some rotini at me. I was about to scold her for it when my husband (who didn’t see our daughter’s display of affection for pasta) said, “It’s just like property laws, Peaceful Enjoyment”.

Isn’t that the truth? Isn’t that what we are all trying to day to day as we foray into public transit or order lunch at the local deli or

GO TO THE ATM.

There is nothing that drives up my blood pressure more than ignorant users of the ATM, guichet, bank machine or however you refer to the machine that dispense money. For clarity and brevity I will refer to it as ATM. So without further ado this is:

Modern Etiquette for the ATM (including Drive-Thru)

Now, let’s be clear that that I see a clear difference between the ATM drive-thru and the ATM in the bank and the ATM in a store. Actually scratch that. I can group the ATM in the store with ATM in the drive-thru.

ATM (in the bank)

1.) Please stand at least 5-7 feet from the person at the machine. In some cases this may not be possible due to lack of physical space, but when available please do so.

2.) There are polite “banking hours” for all bank machines:

• 7:30 am to 9:30 am please use only the deposit and cask back, deposit only or cash only features of the bank machines. People are rushing to work and need money for gas, for lunch, to pay the sitter or little Timmy’s field trip. Please do not clog up the works paying your Victoria Secret bill.
• 11:30am to 1:00 pm the same applies as above except people are rushing to lunch. Most of us are not the boss so we get only an hour for lunch so please don’t hold up the friggin’ line.
• 4:30 pm to 6:00pm the same applies as above except that people are rushing home or to daycare to get the kiddies. Or if it’s a nice day to a great little patio to meet some friends for pitcher of something wonderful.
• AT ALL TIMES – if there is a huge line up please do NOT update your bank book or pay huge stacks of bills

3.) Do not cut in line. Ever. It’s rude and your mother should have taught you better. Shame on you. Besides, karma’s a bitch buddy.

4.) If you cannot use the ATM without assistance please use only in the presence of a veteran user (that you have brought along with you) or go INTO the bank and request that a customer service agent help you with your transaction. Please be mindful of the time and the length of the line when you do this. A good time is 10:30 am or 2:00pm.

5.) Please, if you must sneeze or cough while using the ATM; turn your head away from the screen and keypad. Please do not touch or wipe anything on your person until you have completed your ATM transaction and out of arms distance from the ATM. If you accidentally sprayed some of your sneeze or cough on the ATM, please use a CLEAN tissue and some Purell like lotion and wipe up your DNA.

6.) A good rule for everyone is to wear gloves while using the ATM, for your own protection. Of course if it isn’t winter you are going to look like a total freak wearing gloves at the ATM.


ATM (drive-thru and in store/gas station)

This is a GRAB and Go line. Please, please use only to deposit, get cash or pay a single bill. DO NOT update your bank book EVER in these lines. Many customers of the drive-thru are people for whom it is difficult to get out of the car for one reason or another (3 babies in the back, elderly mother wants to use the bank, or handicapped driver) and you are clogging it up with your many transaction because you can’t get up off your lazy butt and go INTO the bank. Trust me; you do not want a mother with her three screaming toddlers at the ATM trying to get money while keeping the little angels from tearing the place apart or peeking at your PIN Code and reciting it for everyone to hear.

I do not mean to restrict this line to Mommies/Daddies/Caregivers, the elderly or handicapped. By all means, use this line and enjoy the convenience it can offer. But please keep your transactions short. If you must complete more than two transactions, take it inside. That’s two transaction total. If you and your four friends must go to the bank, take it inside. You are deceiving the mother behind you who has four screaming toddlers in her back seat and thought she could make a quick grab for cash for diapers. She thinks she is next in line but actually she is sixth and now she is stuck there because someone has driven up behind her. Not nice. She should pump the sound into your car.

Finally, would all your bank book updaters and bill payers please subscribe to on-line banking? Really. You could do all your banking from the comfort of your home with a nice hot cup of Timmy’s (that you got from the Timmy’s drive-thru in a very fast and friendly manner). You could take your time and not worry about the people tapping their feet behind you, shuffling papers or sighing loudly. Little Timmy wouldn’t divulge your PIN to everyone line causing to go into the bank to change your PIN. Throw away your bank books and get statements. You can even get paperless bills to cut down on the paper in your home. Then ALL ATMs can be used for cash and deposit only. I have this dream.